CLEARER DAYS

“You are severely depressed”
and may I simply suggest
That you have a bath before bed
Try some Epsom salts
Perhaps take a long walk
Maybe get 20 minutes of light
That’ll set you up right!

Because you said “yes” to this
and you said “no” to that
You said “maybe” twice
and we can’t have that
I have added up your numbers and you score “severely depressed”
Does my depression really come down to a Cosmo quiz test?

You scored mostly A’s so you just feel “blue”
You scored mostly B’s so “I’ll have to refer you”
You scored mostly C’s and that is a “worry”
Do you want to die?
and are you in a hurry?

To forget what you know
To forget all the pain
To start “feeling normal”?
To start “feeling sane”?

I like feeling nothing
I like feeling numb
So for now Doctor
I’ll settle on this one

A tiny pill
a cocktail for my chemical disparity
something to lift me
to give me clarity

To make sense of the harm
To make sense of the hurt
Not all of it is mine
But I’ll add it to “my work”
I help carry the load
Because I’ve always been told
“Look after each other until you are old”

I’m severely depressed
I didn’t pass the test
I don’t know what happens next
But I’ve made “my hurt” the “work”
and if I simply took action
The hurt wouldn’t hurt
Because by doing something
I’m not doing nothing
and that’s a step closer
to believing in loving
again.

and to love
and to trust
it is a huge ask
but it’s worth it in the end
when you slip off your mask
when you tear off your crown
of depression and fear
you will see the world
and it’ll all become clear.

 

 

“To clearer days”

written by Natasha Bailie
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1 Comment

  1. Jane
    July 12, 2017 / 8:02 pm

    Thank you for this, just thank you. You put into words what I’m feeling, but can’t say. Thank you.

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