Co-Sleeping is Bull S**T!

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I have never ever successfully co-slept with Max, mainly because the dude always wanted his own bed and to be honest so did I. So I really couldn’t blame him.

That was until the last couple of months, when Sir Creeps-a-lot started to show up wide eyed and optimistic of a quick round of “some superhero saves the day” on my bloody pillow. NOT OK. Not OK at 2am or any of the Am’s tbh. It became very clear early on in our co-waking saga that the kid had no intention of sleeping and or cuddling, which is what the leaflets and the books promise you. I am f**ked off. I have been deceived. Once again my perfect ideals of what Motherhood is supposed to look like have been thwarted by the very reality of Mother…hood.

On another co-sleeping issue – why do the mini human folk not toss and turn like us big humans? Max’s eyes are shut (on the odd occasion he has fallen asleep) and then he physically sits up and slams himself onto either me or his papa.  He often decides to go for the classic ‘top and tail’ position and then his toes end up under my chin or I get a kick in the tit, which is always a great way to be alerted to the fact that YOU are not sleeping and everything is S**T. Whilst I am here…why are they 100 degrees? The kid not only sleeps sideways, but he is a 3ft tall human shaped hot water bottle so even if we were ‘co-sleeping’ successfully, there is no way I could hug him unless I had a drip and was being hydrated the ENTIRE time.

So in conclusion – co-sleeping is great if you are the model on the book cover, but other wise you are probably like me – night sweats, no pillow, an elbow in the face and so tired, but there is always tomorrow right?…he MIGHT stay in his own bed?

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