Don’t be a dick!

Image by Veronica Dearly

I have written this a few times now…I don’t even know what my point is apart from making someone in this big wide world feel like it is OK to BE. Be you. I have honestly lost my creative flow, it has vanished, it has gone out, out and it is scary. Scary, because I have been making videos every week for the past 2 and a half years and last week I didn’t post one. I have been a daily, sometimes hourly Instagram post-erer, but in the past couple of weeks I have left it days between publishing a square into my day. I have always felt community and connection on YouTube and Instagram, but is it the time of year, week or day where the tides are changing?

With the constant gossip of who is ‘buying followers’, the ‘helpful’ advice not to use hashtags incase you appear too desperate and the clickbait titles I am starting to ask myself “What the f**k am I doing?” I understand analytics and insights are important, especially when making coin, but I fear we are living amongst people who are acting like the digits matter and to be honest, apparently don’t matter when talking to us ‘regular folk’. Recently I was followed by a ‘big influencer” (hate that fucking word) on Instagram and I followed them right back (big friend five) only to be unfollowed a few hours later. I get it, life is not all sprinkles and sunshine, but I noticed it happened again with another ‘player’ – this was a ‘strategic follow to be followed back’ play and I was played. So where I felt connection and community, they literally checked my name off a list. I am now a transaction.

I think it’s probably a reflection on me, my feelings, my sensitivities and insecurities, but some of the people I speak to every single day I have found on Instagram and YouTube and they fill my heart with pure joy so it saddens me that there are some bad apples, lemons and pears in the barrel. It saddens me that I have let it in and that I have enabled it to effect my output. It is not like I am sat here stewing over the injustice of it all, but I am so disappointed. I am sad that I got sucked into the edited lives and if I am honest that my illusions have been shattered. I feel like I just found out Santa is not real.

We have all said something behind someones back, but now the ‘big digits’ are getting too ‘big for their boots’ and feel the need to tell us ‘small digits’ to our FACE. With ‘hacks/tips/tricks/tutorials/guides/advice/drunken rants’ etc. on what to do, how to be, what to say, what to down play, what to push etc. That is not OK. If you have asked, then fine, but to tell someone “they should quit whilst they are ahead” because YOU don’t like what YOU see – is not ok. They say ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’, but I fear people, myself included are being hoodwinked and ‘buying’ into a tribe that is something else entirely and very much not your vibe.

I pride myself on being me on camera, but honesty is not the same as authenticity and it is easy to confuse the two. Whilst I am always ‘me’ on camera I won’t ever discuss my marriage so you could say I am hiding a part of ‘me?’ so am I being honest? You know I am married, but is this enough? My answer is “yes”. If you gossip and follow it with “I’m just being honest” is it? NO. It doesn’t matter how many times you are “keeping it real”, “tbh” YOU my dear, are not being authentic.

This year I have met a lot of humans that I have discovered through social media platforms and half of them I would willingly dry hump daily, but the other half I have been dumbfounded by. They are either completely different to their ‘online self’, which would be incredible if it wasn’t so scary especially when they have such large followings or are number seekers. They seek the numbers. The numbers represent acceptance, not people. I am not stupid, I know this is technically ‘life’, the way it goes, everyone cannot be everyones cup of tea and biscuit, everyone won’t get along, the internet is rose gold tinted, but I am disappointed by the ‘big digits’, especially when their actions are cruel and their intent is hidden by “honesty”.

So even if you have one person watching or two or perhaps thousands upon thousands, remember there is a person behind that digit and the digit is human. Do not take them for granted. Or maybe you only follow a few people and they ‘get you’, they enthuse, excite and encourage you – hold onto them tight. This connection is so important and it could be the difference between an average day and a great day. Nourish that connection and don’t be an asshole!

I am tired of something that used to be ‘fun’ now feeling like an uphill struggle. I will be back, but not for contents sake. It has to be for me, not for you or to jump on a trend, or to make some quick cash or to compete with a f**king ‘influencer’ (shudder). It has to be authentic or it is not me. I am realising that “it” is the easy part, but “them” is where it gets complicated. People really do ruin good things, but I have a choice and so do you. You can choose how it effects you, you can choose what and who you want or don’t want to see. Unfollow, subscribe, follow, mute, like, reply…do it all, but be kind. Always. Don’t be a dick because, no one likes a surprise dick. Unless they do and that is their thing.

I heart you and I see you, PEACE! NB x

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11 Comments

  1. December 12, 2016 / 11:14 pm

    I love this. It is exactly how I feel, I’ve been blogging just shy of a year and I’m still small and I was happy with my organic engagement. Until I see everyone else doing better and wondered what I was doing wrong, and then find actually I didn’t know about pods and favours and links and the unfollow game and all that stuff which got me stressed. So I don’t worry about it now, I am myself and try to be a nice human standing over here on my own just doing my thing!

  2. December 13, 2016 / 6:52 am

    Well said Natasha, It makes me so sad that you needed to write this but it’s so true! I would love big followers sure I would I d love to class this as a living. But Immore important I’ve connected with some lovely people the past year. You included. And that’s been amazing. I hope you find your mojo even if it’s down a different path!!! Xxxx

  3. Gânier Arzhelenn
    December 13, 2016 / 12:46 pm

    I hope you get your mojo back soon Natasha because I binge-watched all your videos (yes, I’m that crazy person who mentioned you on twitter a little while ago) and I really really like you, and your little family. Being a stay-at-home mom I found in you a model. You have an older little boy, you have experience, and your honesty is refreshing. You’re not doing it for the number of people (or account) that follows you and I find that super great.
    I don’t want to put pressure on you, it’s just that I really like seeing how you’re doing, as if you were a friend sort of. And that’s weird because YOU don’t know me at all, and I don’t know you personally but I get you, I get how you feel, how you deal with things.

    Stay who you are, a kick ass mom and wonderful person.

    An internet pal 🙂

  4. December 13, 2016 / 4:54 pm

    Since beginning blogging back in February after being inspired by yourself and some other big names I have also found that after someone follows me often they then unfollow me. It felt quite annoying then I realised I was just a digit to them.
    I am a real person and try to reflect that through my blog. I haven’t returned to vlogging for a while as I don’t like how the real me looks.

    I totally understand how you feel and find myself flicking through my subscriptions reading through the titles only reading those that seem real… no adverts etc. The internet as you say isn’t all that it seems.

    Much love to you x

  5. December 13, 2016 / 6:35 pm

    I miss your face. That is all. One love x

  6. Sam
    December 13, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    I totes get your flogs, they are ACE! I hope you get the spark back again ❤️

    • Sam
      December 13, 2016 / 9:05 pm

      I mean VLOGS! 🙈

  7. December 15, 2016 / 8:17 pm

    Oh so much this. Natasha I love your blog and vlogs. I hope you feel better about it soon because you’re brill. I am trying to run a small business and instagram is one of my main outlets, but the insincerity drives me mad! Influential (or not) bloggers who comment with a cut and paste comment just so you’ll notice them really get my goat. If you like it, like it, if you don’t, move on! Real interaction is fab. False “luvvying” is insulting.

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