First Week at BIG SCHOOL

Day 1

I am having a mental break down

I underestimated this change

He is so excited. This will be ok.

“Don’t go Mama, you can stay too”


The kid is ripped from my body

I cry in a bush outside the school gates.

This is savage and no one told me how to cope. Is there a book?

Pick him up and he was fine. Apparently he had a “great day” and made a mate.

Day 2

Hide, the dread, hide the dread. It will be OK.

He is excited, skips the entire way to school

He tells me he only cried yesterday because “I didn’t give him 8 hugs” (I only gave him 6 – I’m an asshole)

He goes quiet and I over compensate

He cries, but looks resigned to the fact that I am leaving him

The bottom lip starts wobbling and he says “Where is my new friend”

Where is she though? Why is this 4 year old stranger trying to ruin my life? My kid needs her.

She arrives. I leave.

I have a mental breakdown.

Pick him up and he was fine. Apparently he had a “great day” and he got a sticker.

 Day 3

He went IN! He waved goodbye. I left.

Slightly bottom lipped, still a look of “you have betrayed everything we hold dear” in his eye, but he went IN!

It didn’t feel better, but it was progress. Tiny victory dance next to the crying bush.

Pick him up and he was fine. Apparently he had a “great day” and he had chicken roast dinner for lunch.

At bedtime he started to cry and when I asked what was wrong he said that he had been moved from the rainbow board to the sunshine board. I don’t know what this means, but from his red hot tears  – it seems like a huge deal. He is so sad about it and he doesn’t know why the switch occurred. I now have to hurt his teacher.

Considering my options – home schooling or hard prison time? I have choices.

 Day 4

I am a master. He went IN, he waved and I think he even smiled.

Pretty sure some parenting magazine will want me to start writing a column for my expertise on starting school asap.

Pick him up and he was fine. Apparently he had a “great day” and he ate pizza. Wondering if I actually would have any content for a column, because I know NUFFINK Jon Snow.

Decided to treat him by going to the park after school and obviously he slipped over a massive dog turd. Then he fell off his scooter and his knee got grazed, but if you heard his screams – you’d be right in thinking he bled out on the pavements of Brighton.

No stories at bedtime of rainbow boards and his favourite part of the day was “everything”, but obviously the duvet “hurt his knee” so I am an asshole.

 Day 5

I think I overreacted on Monday. What a f**king drama queen.

MB asks “is it all over?” errr…

Even with the news of “this is your new life” he merrily skips to school.

Well LOOK AT ME NOW! The kid walks in, one hug, one kiss and PEACE OUT. Teacher gives me full eye contact and says “he is doing brilliantly”. Woah.

Bump into an old friend as I leave and get introduced to a new one whilst I’m there. I am ‘doing it’. Refreshes WhatsApp for new group invites. Nothing. Strange.

I know I had a mental breakdown at the beginning of the week, but this Madre is seriously craving a bloody routine now and looking at the schedule that ain’t happening for another week! #ffs

Look at phone and the school has sent me their newsletter 3 times. Brilliant. No Whatsapp invites. Strange.

Pick him up and he was fine. Apparently he had a “great day”, but ate nothing! He is going to waste away. I will have to enforce home schooling or stash hula hoops and pesto pasta in his sleeves. I cannot see any other options.

F*#K I have to do this all again next week. How’s your week been?


What do you think?