I have a 4 year old!

It is official…I have a four year old human. Does this mean he is not a toddler? What are the rules? Is there a book I need to read? **searches Amazon, filters Prime**

He turned yesterday (of age, not zombie ala The Walking Dead), but we celebrated the milestone this past weekend, with all his buddies in a soft play venue, dressed as superheroes. Obviously. Turns out soft play any other day = hell. Soft play on your kids birthday = excellent. The mini humans all played in the comfy confines of ‘soft’ play areas and we, the adults (big humans) got to chat and converse and it was fantastic. I got to have full blown conversations with people. Some who I had never met, because they were the responsible adult for Max’s BFF at pre-school, who I did not know and some people I have known for years. Both Ian and I felt very lucky to have such a collection of cool customers at soft play on a Saturday. Real friends are not shaken by soft play dates and real friends will go to the posh coffee shop next door and smuggle you in a flat white. Thanks Mary.

I didn’t expect it, because I always thought Christmas was my “problem” when it came to my lack of parents, but on Max’s special day I felt sad. Sad that he doesn’t have my family on his side, at his party, celebrating and high five-ing. I felt sad that he just had our gifts and our cards, but then I realised he knows no different scenario, so in his mind – he is not ‘missing out’? When I really think about the ‘sad’, I realise it is me, my fantasy and my guilt that I am sad about and not because MB was or is sad, because he wasn’t and isn’t. Does that make sense? I make up a story and let it ruin my joy. I self sabotage my own joy. Who does that?

I frustrate myself with these thoughts, because time has past, but I still cling to a fantasy that will never be and in turn I ruin every joyous occasion and I don’t want to do that. In the words of Max Bailie “that is cheeky”, but then Max’s party happened. At one point I remember looking around and feeling, dare I say it…a little smug. All these people and their kids were here for Max Bailie and any feelings of sad left the building. I realised at that point that both Ian and I have put in some serious work into the friends that surrounded us on Max’s special day and that I should not take for granted the amazing family that we have built for ourselves. In that moment I felt joy and I let it in. I didn’t sabotage it and we had the perfect day.

Max got spoilt rotten, small humans ate more sugar than they should, balloons cover my lounge and I have a 4 year old who is happy, content and full of joy + sugar + thoughts of Batman.



  1. January 25, 2017 / 11:15 am

    Beautiful. Happy Birthday Max. 4 is a fine age 🙂 x

  2. January 26, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    Happy birthday Max! My middle daughter is 4 years old and that’s pretty scary. I’ll have two in big school this year. One left to go!

  3. January 29, 2017 / 10:20 pm

    Happy Birthday Max!!!!! Four-years old, shit yeh it’s a bit of a terrible-twos I’m afraid and there are NO BOOKS.
    I remember when J turned four and it was like he suddenly turned.. he grew an attitude and became too big for his tiny boots. Good luck with that one I’m sure Max will be the perfect four-year-old.

    As for the family thing, I too torture myself with the ideal at times but hey, life is life and what you have right before you is simply perfect x

    All my love


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