I have a 4 year old!

It is official…I have a four year old human. Does this mean he is not a toddler? What are the rules? Is there a book I need to read? **searches Amazon, filters Prime**

He turned yesterday (of age, not zombie ala The Walking Dead), but we celebrated the milestone this past weekend, with all his buddies in a soft play venue, dressed as superheroes. Obviously. Turns out soft play any other day = hell. Soft play on your kids birthday = excellent. The mini humans all played in the comfy confines of ‘soft’ play areas and we, the adults (big humans) got to chat and converse and it was fantastic. I got to have full blown conversations with people. Some who I had never met, because they were the responsible adult for Max’s BFF at pre-school, who I did not know and some people I have known for years. Both Ian and I felt very lucky to have such a collection of cool customers at soft play on a Saturday. Real friends are not shaken by soft play dates and real friends will go to the posh coffee shop next door and smuggle you in a flat white. Thanks Mary.

I didn’t expect it, because I always thought Christmas was my “problem” when it came to my lack of parents, but on Max’s special day I felt sad. Sad that he doesn’t have my family on his side, at his party, celebrating and high five-ing. I felt sad that he just had our gifts and our cards, but then I realised he knows no different scenario, so in his mind – he is not ‘missing out’? When I really think about the ‘sad’, I realise it is me, my fantasy and my guilt that I am sad about and not because MB was or is sad, because he wasn’t and isn’t. Does that make sense? I make up a story and let it ruin my joy. I self sabotage my own joy. Who does that?

I frustrate myself with these thoughts, because time has past, but I still cling to a fantasy that will never be and in turn I ruin every joyous occasion and I don’t want to do that. In the words of Max Bailie “that is cheeky”, but then Max’s party happened. At one point I remember looking around and feeling, dare I say it…a little smug. All these people and their kids were here for Max Bailie and any feelings of sad left the building. I realised at that point that both Ian and I have put in some serious work into the friends that surrounded us on Max’s special day and that I should not take for granted the amazing family that we have built for ourselves. In that moment I felt joy and I let it in. I didn’t sabotage it and we had the perfect day.

Max got spoilt rotten, small humans ate more sugar than they should, balloons cover my lounge and I have a 4 year old who is happy, content and full of joy + sugar + thoughts of Batman.



  1. January 25, 2017 / 11:15 am

    Beautiful. Happy Birthday Max. 4 is a fine age 🙂 x

  2. January 26, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    Happy birthday Max! My middle daughter is 4 years old and that’s pretty scary. I’ll have two in big school this year. One left to go!

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