LIFE

I feel like you are hurting and there’s nothing I can do

Or say to make the pain of not only your illness, but your heart go away

Life is hard and life can be shit, but I think of something you said and I suddenly feel full of it…

LIFE

What does that even really mean?

“Life is for living”

Is what they say

But without you in it

I don’t feel the same way

My life will be one life-less without you.

A life less

A loss of life

Mama to Teddy

But “Not a wife”

Fuck

I’ve been too busy thinking of what I will lose in this deal

That I’ve forgotten you have others

Who will feel your loss as well

Fuck

How can I explain to Ted that you’re one of the best females I’ve ever known?

That you fiercely protect the ones you love

Because the one who was supposed to love you the most…

She let you go.

What a waste.

I know that you are hurting and there’s nothing I can do

I want to rip that tumour right fucking out of you

Instead I scream and shout at it

“HEY FUCK YOU”

To which it replies, middle finger high

“hey, fuck YOU too”

“I’m taking your friend and there’s nothing you can do”

“But she’s a mother”

I desperately reply

But Cancer doesn’t discriminate

It just consumes her from the inside.

For Asha, April 2017 

Drawing by Letters to Loved

12 Comments

  1. April 10, 2017 / 3:26 pm

    …I’m not sure I can find the words, to do this post the justice it deserves. Just know that I read it, from start to end. ♡

  2. April 10, 2017 / 4:17 pm

    My heart aches for Asha and everyone who loves her. This poem was beautiful and I cried through the entire thing. You are a great friend to her Natasha.

    • angelapndr
      April 10, 2017 / 9:36 pm

      This may sound strange , but I follow you because i follow Asha, asha is an inspiration to everyone, but you have been a big part of that. Making her laugh , both being fools and she needed you, even though she can easily say she dosnt . You have been part off my life as asha is my life. So thank you for being there in every which way you have. Hang on in there as we all are live for the now and live for the hope. Bless you and your mahussive heart.❤

  3. April 10, 2017 / 4:20 pm

    She has a bloody good way with words that Mrs B xx

  4. Sophie
    April 10, 2017 / 4:32 pm

    💔

  5. Kmitchell_1214@yahoo.co.uk
    April 10, 2017 / 4:38 pm

    Cancer is the worst kind of illness and it robs us of those we love so dearly, this poem says everything we all want to say and just don’t know quite how…… it’s brilliant xxx

  6. Charlotte Taylor
    April 10, 2017 / 5:17 pm

    This was absolutely beautiful Ballie. You do Asha justice. You do yourself justice. I’m so sorry you are hurting. I’m so angry at Cancer. That sounds like such a STUPID sentence. But I’m so angry. It’s not fair. xx

  7. Kristie Banks
    April 10, 2017 / 6:35 pm

    Bloody incredible.

  8. Anais
    April 10, 2017 / 7:40 pm

    She’s one truly amazing friend asha, I couldn’t agree more with her. I’m so glad you two found each other. Love you loads xxxx

  9. Janet Shears0
    April 10, 2017 / 8:23 pm

    I think your poem says it all x

  10. April 10, 2017 / 10:38 pm

    Beautiful and strong, just like you and your friend Asha x

  11. April 17, 2017 / 8:57 pm

    Wow such amazing words, your video had me crying my eyes out.

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